Who I am, why I'm here, and whether this space is for you.
For most of my life, I felt like I was trying to run the same race as everyone else - but in shoes that didn't properly fit, on a track that I couldn't clearly see.
Most of my life was spent quietly struggling and desperately wondering why. Why did I burn out so easily? Why did I need so much time alone after being out in the world? Why did schedules make me feel trapped and panicked? Why did I work so hard and still feel like I was failing?
The answer I discovered didn't come from a doctor or a therapist. It came from my kids.
The Moment Everything Made Sense
When my oldest was flagged for testing by their preschool teacher, I didn't hesitate. I'd spent too much of my own life not understanding myself, blaming myself, thinking I just wasn't trying hard enough. I wasn't going to let my children carry that same weight if I could help it! I saw this as an amazing opportunity for them to get the support they need.
After a thorough testing at the children's hospital, my oldest received a diagnosis of mild autism (level one). And as I sat with that information - learning about how their brain worked, what made the world feel too loud, too much, too unpredictable - I kept recognizing something: myself! That I wasn't lazy. I wasn't broken or failing at being a person. My brain was just wired differently!
Learning about my kids has taught me more about myself than anything else ever had. I received an ADHD diagnosis in university, and autism turned out to be the missing piece of my puzzle that I had never even considered before! Suddenly my whole life - the burnout, the overwhelm, the career struggles, the social exhaustion - finally had a framework. Not an excuse, a map.
How I Found Myself in Running Shoes
I became a mother and something unexpected happened: I found my best self. Caring for my children gave me an incredible sense of purpose that fit my brain perfectly: flexible, deeply meaningful, and mine to manage. For the first time I wasn't failing at someone else's version of life, I was building my own!
Then, at 35, I decided to try running.
I'd watch people jogging around the neighbourhood from my window and think could I do that? Memories from grade school of us slogging through an impromptu 5k during gym class and being incapacitated for the better part of a week thereafter. Yet, Instagram kept showing me ordinary people going from couch to 5k and smiling about it! So one day I just.. went outside and tried! And it turns out that if you start slowly and gradually work your way up, running does get easier!
Within a couple years of that I actually ran my first marathon. And then another. I even joined a run club and, for the first time in my adult life, made my own friends, too! Every training run made me stronger and faster, happier and more confident. For the first time ever, I felt like I had genuinely accomplished something hard; something that was completely mine.
Couch → 5k → 10k → Full Marathon. As a neurodivergent woman in her late 30s who once thought athletes were a different species entirely, this was mind-boggling to me!
And Then, in an Instant, My Body Changed Overnight
The year I turned 40, I experienced a dramatic shift. I was ambitiously training towards four marathons to celebrate four decades of life. Instead, I felt myself getting slower, heavier, and weaker. The more I trained, the harder everything got - the exact opposite of how training had been for me over the previous five years!
I pushed through two marathons before I decided to seek help. This was when I finally got my blood tested. My ferritin levels, which had never been great, were now in the single digits. Critically low iron, almost certainly driven by periods that had become extremely heavy over recent years. My body was losing more blood than it could replace between cycles.
The fatigue, the headaches, the feeling of starting from zero before every single run suddenly all made sense.
Now layered on top of that: perimenopause. The hormonal shifts bringing weight gain that no amount of 'just work out more' advice could explain or fix. (I was already working out a lot!) So, I went searching for real answers and only ended up finding more confused people like myself. Some people told me that the weight gain was inevitable and that I should just accept it at my age. Others insisted it was entirely my fault for secretly eating more, or still being too inactive. Nobody had a clear, honest, hopeful answer.
I didn't need someone to tell me I was screwed and that this was my body now (the rules of physics no longer apply!). Or, conversely, that I just need to stop eating and push myself through harder, more grueling workouts. I needed someone to sit beside me in the mess so we can figure it out together.
So that's what I'm doing here: Figuring it out, in real time, out loud, with all of you!
Is This Space For You?
You might feel at home here if any of this sounds familiar:
- You're a woman in your 40s whose body is changing in ways that feel confusing, frustrating, and under-discussed
- You used to be active/athletic and you're grieving the body or the capacity you once had
- You're neurodivergent (diagnosed, or still figuring it out) and seeking wellness content for a more neurodiverse brain
- You're parenting a neurodivergent child while managing your own brain, your own body, and your own mental health
- You've been told to 'just try harder' by people who don't understand what trying harder actually costs you
- You're seeking an honest, warm, real discussion and exchanging of thoughts and ideas
You don't have to have it all figured out to belong here. I certainly don't! And that's kind of the whole point. :)
What You'll Find Here
This space is built around three areas of my life that are impossible to separate:
1. Body
Fitness, running, perimenopause, anemia, active living. All through the lens of a neurodivergent woman navigating a body that keeps changing the rules.
2. Family
Parenting neurodivergent kids as a neurodivergent parent. The advocacy, the guilt, the gut instincts, the small wins. Nobody talks about this intersection honestly enough.
3. Mind
Mental health, self-understanding, identity, and the psychology behind why we are the way we are. I have a psychology degree, but more importantly, I have lived experience.
Fitness, running, perimenopause, anemia, active living. All through the lens of a neurodivergent woman navigating a body that keeps changing the rules.
2. Family
Parenting neurodivergent kids as a neurodivergent parent. The advocacy, the guilt, the gut instincts, the small wins. Nobody talks about this intersection honestly enough.
3. Mind
Mental health, self-understanding, identity, and the psychology behind why we are the way we are. I have a psychology degree, but more importantly, I have lived experience.
One Last Thing
I have spent most of my life thinking that I was the problem. That I'm just too sensitive, too slow, too much, and, yet, not enough. It took becoming a mother and watching my children be seen, understood, and supported to finally extend that same grace to myself.
If you've spent any part of your life feeling like you were running someone else's race in the wrong shoes, this is for you.
We're not behind, we're not broken. We're just wired a little differently. And there's so much beauty in that, once you stop trying to hide it.
— Nina
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